A bit of a parody

13^th January – Port Dickson to Melaka – 53.84 miles, av 10.7, max 27.1, ride time 5 hours.

A sad farewell to a great hotel and one that was fitting for my big 40. We rode south along the coast road past resort after resort and realised that other than the one where you could stay in a tepee, we had chosen wisely and fortuitously again. The roads meandered through plantation after plantation until we joined the rush into Melaka. Initial thoughts were just like any other town we had stayed in. We tried to get lodgings at Emily’s for obvious reasons but the grump that showed us round was enough for us to say thanks but no thanks. Tony’s which was recommended to us by Jacqui and Aaron was shut for a holiday, Heritage was exactly that, a piece of Chinese heritage with carved stairs in blues and reds, a dipping pool and heavy wooden panelled walls, neglected and run down so we settled for yet another mansion, this time the Yellow Mansion Hotel or its newly acquired hostel across the road. Dinner was in the food court of one of the large shopping malls and an evening stroll revealed that we had landed ourselves in the heart of the UNESCO protected heritage area. Chance versus planning again.

14^th – 16^th January 2011 – Melaka tourista

Melaka is walkable should you be able bodied, prepared for traffic dodging and enjoy the randomness of pedestrianisation, some where it should be and others woefully missing. I would describe Melaka as a parody of itself, I am not the first to do so. The protected site brings tourists, tourists bring money, money buys things, land is then cleared for shopping malls, shopping malls bring traffic, one way systems are put in to manage the flow, the flow is continuous, crossing the road becomes a sport of the fittest and bravest, tourists gets coaches, coaches drive the streets that are made for walking, streets become clogged, tourists stay away…I am not  writing this to do down the cultural heritage of the city but something has to change, we walked the city, it did not take long to do. The Dutch and English colonialisation/heritage/tidelines are still very much in evidence through both the buildings and street names. 

The heart of Dutch influence



Once thriving trading river, now a peaceful waterway

The maritime museum, set within a replica boat, is a passive experience of reading font size 10 on coloured backgrounds with a higher than average fog index, way higher than you would get in a UK broadsheet, and looking at pictures drawn or painted in the 21^st Century of what the 18^th Century might have looked like. In fact this is where we had our second lesson in Malaysian politics from a retired government worker on a visit south. Rant he did and when I turned round I saw G creeping back up the stairs from whence we came. I did listen to this guy and he had a fair point. If you are going to put your heritage on display at least be proud of it and make it something that all ages could relate to.

Maritime museum

The Sultanates Palace built in the 1990’s based on drawings is an orgy of diorama’s filled with mannequins from the days of  ‘Fosters’ or ‘C&A’.

Sultanates Palace

Diorama number 21304040...

St Pauls church sitting as a ruin overlooking the city has buskers and the man with the snake, lizard and parrot for photos. The grave stones that are propped against the wall can be read with the noise of 2011 interpretations of Lady Ga Ga being played on mobiles, ipods, blackberries and again the buskers.

St Pauls

The view from St Pauls hill overlooking the remains of the fort and yet more hotel/shopping mall development

There were some random placement of vehicles throughout the heritage quarter which included but not limited to jet fighters, train engine and carriage, armoured personnel carriers, a bus and a 1958 Cadillac. I am still at a loss as to what the purpose was of this other than to clutter the green spaces between the buildings.

We did need some essentials so the malls provided an observation of people opportunity as well as G being told that she had somehow become an XL after being measured by someone who must have had 10 X’s before the L. The is a lot of freesizing in SE Asia, meaning that if you are a size 4 or 24 inch waist you are ok, other than that expect the indignity of moving into the big and mighty category.

Our saving grace in Melaka was the New Heritage Café (if you can have such a thing), run by a dutch couple who shared the premises with an evening Chinese karaoke bar. The welcome, feel at home, food and chilled atmosphere was great and the day we spent planning our final legs of the trip and flights home were made easier by basing ourselves here for the day. Have a look at this completely unbiased review, it is not often I will be tempted to put my thoughts in print...

Trishaws were awesome, they are powered by pedal and car battery, the driver provides the movement, the battery powers the lights and car stereo and bass boxes. I cant see it catching on in the UK just yet but take a good cruising strip like Southend sea front and imagine instead of lowered Corsa’s, bikes with side cars covered in flowers, lights and speakers…I will let the photos speak.

awesome

awesome at night too

Waiting for fares

Walking back one evening we heard the sound of a dump valve, awesome…except for the sub 1 litre Perouda it was attached to…pimping your vehicle here is a past time and makes for much amusement except for the draw droppingly gorgeous Bentley tourer which I had to dribble over.

Now whilst you may have read this and thought why visit, Jonkers street market on a Fri-Sun is well worth the hazards and we enjoyed Melaka inspite of itself, get away from the heavily populated tourista bits and ti becomes an enjoyable experience. and on occasion enchanting experience. The street is shut to traffic and comes alive with hundreds of stalls and 1000’s of locals and tourists, it is dominated at one end by a stage on which many chinese will perform their practised routines, all involving song and some form of body movement which I would call dance, and G would call something else. I recognised some of the moves but only because my level of dancefloor coordination normally involves watchers asking if I need a paramedic due to fitting. Unfair I say and I was delighted to see some of my well honed moves transcend national boundaries and being interpreted by others.

Beautiful lady

Jonkers St

Really...yes and was doing a roaring trade from a stall

Old TV...nope...fishtank in old tv

Southern Indian food including vegetarian chicken, a first, on banana leaves was awesome and I will now search for these leaves when I return as I have made a cup/bowl and plates are easy, disposable and environmentally sound. Blog drafting and packing for our trip into KL completed the evening.