Bonjour mes amis, aujourd'hui was a day of merriment, frustration and the day I asked the question 'ou est mon belle âme?' There are two answers to this. The first is that she is in Vietnam, thinking of me as she has done today and seeing another set of awesome miles go by as she heads further south.
The second however is slightly different. Mon âme was phsyically sucked right through my suit and out through the soles of my shoes. Why you ask and how careless of you. Well let me explain to those of you who werent subjected to the torture of searching for talent. Oh and talking of talent the girl I refered to from X factor has been out'd as 'Cocaine Chloe', of course I should have known! Oops back to the plot.
I was in the joys of a well planned, well prepared and running like clockwork recruitment event today. The only issue, which really was of minor proportions, is who turned up to go through it. We had 'random & old school' who would have been great if the roles did not involve stringing a coherent sentence together and talking to people. Oh yes and the fact the professional body referred to no less than 8 times during one particular activity is ok but not worth the airtime given to it. Oh and add to that the fact that their opening gambit was to share with others that they had extensive survival school experience just made the fact that every answer was wrong even more hilarious. Ray Mears huh!
Then there was bless! Not their name but that is what I thought when they spoke. Personally engaging and nice hair. Umm am I being a little bit bitchy here? well I tell you what, give me back mon âme and I will stop. No, ok to continue....
We also saw 'text book and this is what you want to hear, oops my new patent black heels dont quite go with very lovely suit' (needed another inch on the heels) Ow that hurt I hear you say. well tough I am still searching for mon âme. Another one to follow - o m g - parts of Pitsea, you know the county, and those fellas that come round to tarmac your drive would have been proud. Challenged in the intelligence department but on paper should have been running a multi-billion organisation. Earrings that parrots had probably been in before leaving home. Yowsers Mr M what has got into to you tonight..well if I cant find mon âme soon there will be no end to this.
However there was one who shone like a beacon of hope through the pea souper of indifference. I so hope they say yes and the day will have been worth it. I do know someone who did say yes today and that makes my decision of Monday the best I could have made. Pastures new await me.
All I wanted to see, feel and experience is a little bit of get up and go. Instead I experienced 'had got up a while ago and gone' Dear candidate, did you really need to yawn in an interview? At one point my pen went down and my head nearly followed as the paper I was writing on looked so like a pillow welcoming me into a slumber. Oh and yes for those of you reading this who were in the room, the reason I pulled my chair back and had to put my head between my knees is because all of blood from my head and brain had gone south, for all the wrong reasons as my brain thought it did not need to function any longer, and I needed to rejuvenate myself in order to live through the experience. Believe me I could be so much harsher but I wont because that would not be fair. Fairness would be the return of mon âme and soon.
On another note I was discussing a city t'up north today with 'stalker' only to find out that the last time they had been on a particular street they were being chased by the equivalent of the peelers due to over indulgence of gin! tee hee
I would like to offer some advice if you are looking for a new role today or in the future.
1. be enthusiastic or at least have some red bull before attending a recruitment event
2. be aware of your audience, if they looked like they could stick pins in their eyes, they probably need a change of pace, tone or peace
3. get dressed with the light on
4. sleep the night before or at least do number 1
5. smile, breathe and rehearse and then repeat at least 3 times
Oh and lastly, if you get home and find mon âme would you please return it.
I love being in the present. I love my partner with an intensity that is becoming familiar. I love my friends who are reading this and have given me and continue to give me so much support. I love my family for putting up with 39 years of stuff. I love the fact that I am building so many new relationships as a direct result of being in the present. Most of all I just love being me!
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Madonna del Ghisallo
Whilst I appreciate it is late/early and therefore many will be counting sheep or have counted, I am buzzing. 406 miles from Edinbrugh to Catcott. 6.5 hours in the car and 5.5 of those on the phone...again.
If there is to be a study of bluetooth and brains I hope that there is some financial reward. I have had a day and a half. Facilitated a meeting of minds today that was exhausting but so very rewarding and then to the rest of the day. Woke at 5 and decided a run would be a good idea, but as it was dark and pouring made the choice to do it anyway. Only a couple of miles because on my way down the road met the man who was opening up the gym for 6.30. I think he took pity and offered to open up early if I registered for 6.30am. Cranked out 8.6 miles in 20 minutes and as a sweaty wreck stumbled my way back to the room. Wrote a set of slides for today, wrote the weekly update for a client and edited a presentation for an assessment centre in, oops 8 hours time.
I had some awesome calls in the car today. Some thanking me, some to chew the fat, one to brief a supplier, some needing support, empathy, understanding and a smile or too and some just because they knew I was in the car for 7 hours and to keep me company. To arrive home to steak surprise from my bro was also most unexpectedly yum.
One call was especially important to me tonight. We had a agreed we would speak tonight and do you know what I am so glad we did. There is a connection we share, it is great to talk and not be judged, and what I had not realised until tonight is just how much about me had been shared and when!
The time literally flew by in my trusty steed. I am liking my punto! I managed to listen to one of the albums Izzy lent me, beautiful tango music that just thumped out of the speakers and made you feel alive.
They are on the move again tomorrow heading to Hoi An it has been great to catch up on email and remembering to send Nathan 9th Birthday wishes for today was very very awesome.
It was tough being away from him for his day but I think judging from the photo and calls with him today he might have been grinning from ear to ear.
As to the latest in bike names - Thor - very tempted even if we are moving to male or as was suggested by another individual who completely agrees with the 'other half' statement not being used - Ghisallo. From Madonna del Ghisallo the patroness of bycycling! Not misspelt, that is how it is and I am sure she is with Izzy right now
If there is to be a study of bluetooth and brains I hope that there is some financial reward. I have had a day and a half. Facilitated a meeting of minds today that was exhausting but so very rewarding and then to the rest of the day. Woke at 5 and decided a run would be a good idea, but as it was dark and pouring made the choice to do it anyway. Only a couple of miles because on my way down the road met the man who was opening up the gym for 6.30. I think he took pity and offered to open up early if I registered for 6.30am. Cranked out 8.6 miles in 20 minutes and as a sweaty wreck stumbled my way back to the room. Wrote a set of slides for today, wrote the weekly update for a client and edited a presentation for an assessment centre in, oops 8 hours time.
I had some awesome calls in the car today. Some thanking me, some to chew the fat, one to brief a supplier, some needing support, empathy, understanding and a smile or too and some just because they knew I was in the car for 7 hours and to keep me company. To arrive home to steak surprise from my bro was also most unexpectedly yum.
One call was especially important to me tonight. We had a agreed we would speak tonight and do you know what I am so glad we did. There is a connection we share, it is great to talk and not be judged, and what I had not realised until tonight is just how much about me had been shared and when!
The time literally flew by in my trusty steed. I am liking my punto! I managed to listen to one of the albums Izzy lent me, beautiful tango music that just thumped out of the speakers and made you feel alive.
They are on the move again tomorrow heading to Hoi An it has been great to catch up on email and remembering to send Nathan 9th Birthday wishes for today was very very awesome.
As to the latest in bike names - Thor - very tempted even if we are moving to male or as was suggested by another individual who completely agrees with the 'other half' statement not being used - Ghisallo. From Madonna del Ghisallo the patroness of bycycling! Not misspelt, that is how it is and I am sure she is with Izzy right now
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Deirdre and Button Phobia
Wow and oh my, what a day this has been. Very little mental energy left in which to write. It was an early start to the day as wanted to get a run in but right knee locked after drive from yesterday so worky work took over. In my first meeting of the day the analogy of button phobia was randomly thrown out. I have pondered that all day but am not quite sure of the official term or if such a phobia exists. I imagine just having zips, clips or string. There are probably many other material fastenings but as I said my mental state right now is in exhausted mode.
Back to hotel restaurant for dinner tonight with Nikki, who delivered an awesome session for me, and the senior leadership team, on communicating with edge. It was both timely and instructive. And whilst the food was less than instructive, although I did have to explain the concept of a floater coffee, it was timely tonight. I knew I was tired though as it took waving both hands in the air, similar to my cowherding technique earlier in the month but without sound, to attract the attention of any staff to pay the bill!
I spend much of my time communicating with others, in fact I would say all my time, as do you. I now have a greater insight into the concept of You (sender), Them (reciever) and It (the message), the authenticity of communication and the impact v intention. Communication in any form is a delicate and sensitive activity. The balance you need to have, and I need to ensure I strike everytime I put fingers to keyboard here, is fragile.
As an example, I wrote a letter to Izzy on Saturday night/Sunday morning. It took a long time, a sleep and many walk aways, but unconsciously I was using the actors rehearsal technique of 'why do I say this' and repeating it 3 times. This allows you to connect with the reciever and work out how do you want them to feel as well as what do you want them to know. I knew I needed to get alot of 'stuff' out to her but also wanted it to be a sharing not loading activity. I wanted Izzy to read it when she could and feel warmth, love, understanding, caring and smile alot. I know that it was recieved exactly as I meant it to be. She enjoyed it and could both see and appreciate the fact that I had invested time in writing it so that it was recieved in the right way. It is not often we think of the reciever when we communicate. The concept of Them has given me fresh impetus to ensure that I keep this front of mind.
The session we had today was focused on being inspiring in communication and it so apt that part of the dictionary defintion of inspire is 'to breathe life into'. Subconsciouly or not this is what Izzy does every time she write her blog. She brings to life the colour, sounds, sights and smells of her experiences and shares them with the world at large.
In other developments the next name for my bike is Deirdre as the sender of this name believes that it would be an amusing to hear tales of riding Deirdre. Umm I am still yet to be convinced but thank you enormously for calling me from your hols in France to check I was ok and that I had recieved your name entry.
Tomorrow is going to be a great & challenging day so I think I will rest now as I have a full session of facilitation then a rather long drive back to Somerset.
Back to hotel restaurant for dinner tonight with Nikki, who delivered an awesome session for me, and the senior leadership team, on communicating with edge. It was both timely and instructive. And whilst the food was less than instructive, although I did have to explain the concept of a floater coffee, it was timely tonight. I knew I was tired though as it took waving both hands in the air, similar to my cowherding technique earlier in the month but without sound, to attract the attention of any staff to pay the bill!
I spend much of my time communicating with others, in fact I would say all my time, as do you. I now have a greater insight into the concept of You (sender), Them (reciever) and It (the message), the authenticity of communication and the impact v intention. Communication in any form is a delicate and sensitive activity. The balance you need to have, and I need to ensure I strike everytime I put fingers to keyboard here, is fragile.
As an example, I wrote a letter to Izzy on Saturday night/Sunday morning. It took a long time, a sleep and many walk aways, but unconsciously I was using the actors rehearsal technique of 'why do I say this' and repeating it 3 times. This allows you to connect with the reciever and work out how do you want them to feel as well as what do you want them to know. I knew I needed to get alot of 'stuff' out to her but also wanted it to be a sharing not loading activity. I wanted Izzy to read it when she could and feel warmth, love, understanding, caring and smile alot. I know that it was recieved exactly as I meant it to be. She enjoyed it and could both see and appreciate the fact that I had invested time in writing it so that it was recieved in the right way. It is not often we think of the reciever when we communicate. The concept of Them has given me fresh impetus to ensure that I keep this front of mind.
The session we had today was focused on being inspiring in communication and it so apt that part of the dictionary defintion of inspire is 'to breathe life into'. Subconsciouly or not this is what Izzy does every time she write her blog. She brings to life the colour, sounds, sights and smells of her experiences and shares them with the world at large.
In other developments the next name for my bike is Deirdre as the sender of this name believes that it would be an amusing to hear tales of riding Deirdre. Umm I am still yet to be convinced but thank you enormously for calling me from your hols in France to check I was ok and that I had recieved your name entry.
Tomorrow is going to be a great & challenging day so I think I will rest now as I have a full session of facilitation then a rather long drive back to Somerset.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Pegasus or Myrtle
What another fine Monday of wonderment. So I am writing this from another hotel, handpicked, apparently but I am not sure by whom. I set off from home at 5.30am to Reading then just after 1pm headed up to Edinburgh. A cool total of 524 miles from the now comfy and much trusted '1 point not a lot but seems to go faster if I lean forward' little blue punto, I am not sure it was supposed to drink 2 tanks of fuel but it cruised very nicely and enjoyed the winding A702 or is it A720 between Abingdon services and Edinburgh. In the 9 hours of driving today the only time i was not on the phone was between 6am and 7am. Umm i will probably make an excellent study of the effects of bluetooth connectivity.
I spoke to Nathan who asked if I had sent the link to Izzy's blog again. She wrote an awesome email to him with a link to the google map of where they would dock from Cat Bah Island and with the instruction to look on the right of her blog to see mileage covered. Bless him as he looked all over the email to find the bit on the right. Ah well how literal they view the world and how different we do sometimes. I spoke to my dear friend Clayton who apparently just knew about the fact the underneath the exterior, all of the stuff that has come out recently to me, he saw from day one of knowing me last year. I guess that is why he does what he does and is such an awesome individual.
I spoke to Nic many times when my brain remembered or was prompted by another call from Heathrow lounge participants for yet another thing for tomorrow or Wednesday that needed printing, copying or just checking. But you know thinking of others and managing their load is what she does best. Being a PA is not what that entails so massive apologies. What I did not want for her is a 16 hour day which I think, with the 'dinner of misfortune', it end up being. Sorry Nic. I spoke to a potential new recruit for one of my clients who wanted to know how it really is to work there and apparently, according to her agency, she would get a real honest and down to earth view from...ummm....me
I had another text from Switzerland, not the country you understand but our fine friend who is over there right now in the rain watching the festival of cows coming down from the mountains before the snow begins. Yup I had no idea until last year that such things were celebrated but they are and the photos that will come back are no doubt as amusing as the stories of the many cow headdresses or random acts of cowdom that is there want.
I left a couple of voicemails too and had a conference call and lo n behold I arrived at the hotel. Been here many times but never stayed. Ummm. So first the receptionist, awesome. Glen who carried one of my 5 bags - great. Key in door after going in 2 lifts and walking 8 corridors not so good when it refused to move the lock. Ah well, long drive just chill. No phone reception in room, had forgotten about that but probably a good thing after the journey. TV at end of bath!awesome! Shower Curtain! Soft toy cat on bed called Travis - he is put outside the door if I dont want to be disturbed. I was disturbed at the thought - picture to follow!
So to the dinner of misfortune - drinks as speedy as you like, ordered dinner at 8.45pm. Dinner arrived just after 9.40pm. One main course each. Ummm I am sorry but I waited to hear the apologies and excuses, no I didnt, I just said it was unacceptable and it became free. Glen who helped me get in my room, had taken drinks and food orders then approached to say how ridiculous our wait time was. Fair play and I think he should be the Assistant Restaurant Manager versus Monsieur Upimself with an embarrassingly unkempt set of facial hair. Refreshingly honest service, thanks Glen! To top off a fine evening as we finished ordering coffee so the fire alarm went off. Lots of startled looking staff and lots of guests just heading for the exit. Sorry CK that must have been loud in your ear when you rang.
So to Pegasus or Myrtle. Seriously. Are those the only 2 names I am gonna get for her and as a certain tired individual but looking forward to being a tourist for a couple of days said ' Myrtle, is that like turtle?' So please I cant mount a Myrtle, it just sounds wrong on so many levels. I could ride Pegasus but...I don't know. Entries close at the end of this week so please help me name my new bike...Lord knows what is going to happen when the tourer arrives....but it wont be Thomas, Terry, Trevor or Turtle.
I will also remember that to refer to someone or self as 'other half' is banned as is any reference to the word 'kids'. To publish the blog title picture in blur vision not good especially as the person who took the picture is the person that you love with everything you have, and who knows I am here when you need me.
I spoke to Nathan who asked if I had sent the link to Izzy's blog again. She wrote an awesome email to him with a link to the google map of where they would dock from Cat Bah Island and with the instruction to look on the right of her blog to see mileage covered. Bless him as he looked all over the email to find the bit on the right. Ah well how literal they view the world and how different we do sometimes. I spoke to my dear friend Clayton who apparently just knew about the fact the underneath the exterior, all of the stuff that has come out recently to me, he saw from day one of knowing me last year. I guess that is why he does what he does and is such an awesome individual.
I spoke to Nic many times when my brain remembered or was prompted by another call from Heathrow lounge participants for yet another thing for tomorrow or Wednesday that needed printing, copying or just checking. But you know thinking of others and managing their load is what she does best. Being a PA is not what that entails so massive apologies. What I did not want for her is a 16 hour day which I think, with the 'dinner of misfortune', it end up being. Sorry Nic. I spoke to a potential new recruit for one of my clients who wanted to know how it really is to work there and apparently, according to her agency, she would get a real honest and down to earth view from...ummm....me
I had another text from Switzerland, not the country you understand but our fine friend who is over there right now in the rain watching the festival of cows coming down from the mountains before the snow begins. Yup I had no idea until last year that such things were celebrated but they are and the photos that will come back are no doubt as amusing as the stories of the many cow headdresses or random acts of cowdom that is there want.
I left a couple of voicemails too and had a conference call and lo n behold I arrived at the hotel. Been here many times but never stayed. Ummm. So first the receptionist, awesome. Glen who carried one of my 5 bags - great. Key in door after going in 2 lifts and walking 8 corridors not so good when it refused to move the lock. Ah well, long drive just chill. No phone reception in room, had forgotten about that but probably a good thing after the journey. TV at end of bath!awesome! Shower Curtain! Soft toy cat on bed called Travis - he is put outside the door if I dont want to be disturbed. I was disturbed at the thought - picture to follow!
So to the dinner of misfortune - drinks as speedy as you like, ordered dinner at 8.45pm. Dinner arrived just after 9.40pm. One main course each. Ummm I am sorry but I waited to hear the apologies and excuses, no I didnt, I just said it was unacceptable and it became free. Glen who helped me get in my room, had taken drinks and food orders then approached to say how ridiculous our wait time was. Fair play and I think he should be the Assistant Restaurant Manager versus Monsieur Upimself with an embarrassingly unkempt set of facial hair. Refreshingly honest service, thanks Glen! To top off a fine evening as we finished ordering coffee so the fire alarm went off. Lots of startled looking staff and lots of guests just heading for the exit. Sorry CK that must have been loud in your ear when you rang.
So to Pegasus or Myrtle. Seriously. Are those the only 2 names I am gonna get for her and as a certain tired individual but looking forward to being a tourist for a couple of days said ' Myrtle, is that like turtle?' So please I cant mount a Myrtle, it just sounds wrong on so many levels. I could ride Pegasus but...I don't know. Entries close at the end of this week so please help me name my new bike...Lord knows what is going to happen when the tourer arrives....but it wont be Thomas, Terry, Trevor or Turtle.
I will also remember that to refer to someone or self as 'other half' is banned as is any reference to the word 'kids'. To publish the blog title picture in blur vision not good especially as the person who took the picture is the person that you love with everything you have, and who knows I am here when you need me.
Sunday, 26 September 2010
But its not yet October!
If like me you remember those words, you will at present, if you are in the UK, be thinking about vests and heating. Is it just me but last night I had to light up the wood burner, it kept me warm whilst I cringed at that girl from t'up north on X Factor, you know the one with the perma tan, longest legs to end in the shortest hot pants, tongue piercing, hair extensions and of course a daughter who she is doing this ritual humiliation for, who cant sing but Simon has a soft spot for her. Where as did anyone take Storm, yes that is his real name, honest, seriously. My money is on Cher, awesome performance and just is so original. Ooops was that a bit opinionated of me. Anyhow cant possibly switch on the heating just yet as it is not quite October and whilst I might not be overly keen to ride a bike towing 25kg's for 60+ miles a day. The 42 degrees is seriously tempting.
This weekend has been packed, Saturday was a visit to a possible big school for Em, which took just over the hour to walk round. It was impressive and has left me with a very positive impression of what a good school that costs can really provide. This was followed by me taking Nathan for his surprise birthday treat. His birthday is on Wednesday and I am unfortunately in Scotland. I will leave the photos to describe what we saw
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| This was so cool - you entered from the right and suddenly exited onto the 'deck of the Ark Royal' |
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| I want that one and to be honest either would do. Mr Plato's touring car! |
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| Nath on Concorde hiding a smile |
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| Powered by 12 chainsaws |
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| Racing power tools - planers and grinders of choice |
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| Yes they had a drag board. Reaction time of owner and speed of machine |
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| Nath with a monster Dragster |
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| Robowars! Oh yes for real! |
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| That trapdoor is so cool |
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| That robot (the blue one) is in the air! |
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| The destruction is amazing - 750psi in the chopper the blue one carries! |
So I can recommended the annual Silverline powertool racing event. The only rule seems to be that whether manned or unmanned the machine must be powered by a powertool or 12 engine. Simply really and who would have thought of it! Gadget show from Channel 5 was there but the coolest was Robowars and more than that thier owners. OMG they would not just scare horses, they scared me. I overheard a group talking on a table next to ours over lunch. They were describing the excitement of the previous evening hurling different types of batteries onto their campfire to see what happened. Woah steady on lads. Then there was a description for each one. I can tell you which is the most spectacular or the one that has orange and green flames but I wont as I have a life.
Today was spent doing all of those things that business owners love doing. end of month invoicing, payments and checking the finances. In amongst that I did venture out on my new bike, still no name and decided to do the opposite way round to the route I did on Friday. Good choice as I bowled down the hill at just under 30mph. I decided in advance where I would have a break, managed to get through the bike entrance on the track and pedalled lazily over to the picnic tables and stopped. Ooops I then fell over into a wonderful patch of nettles, ah well as I lay there laughing and wondering how to get toes out of clips I felt my phone ringing. It was Izzy. Awesome, my weekend just got even better. I know that they are now 52km from Hue and will be there tomorrow for a break of 3 days so stand by for blog updates and email responses. I also heard tonight that the song I chose the other day that just says everything about how I feel towards her is now number one. Umm me thinks I will be hearing it alot then, so if I smile randomly it will be because that song will be spinning around in ma heed! (that is the only Scottish I know for now)
Friday, 24 September 2010
What do I call her?
Friday whoop! I took a day to take stock today, oh other than conference calls and numerous phone calls and emails from those that keep me afloat financially. Part of the taking stock included a visit to the accountants, which as always, is entertaining as Lois knows I know nothing when it comes to numbers and can always see me glaze over at some point. Today she said she thought I listened to most of what she had to share, well done me. It is important that I get this bit right as much depends on it and she is working this weekend to get the planning done. Whoop again. I hope we stay in touch in the future as it is great to have finally (after 4 previous attempts) found an accountant that gets that I am a nincompoop when it comes to all things tax related. They have been very supportive with their special client. That be me (pat on head)
I also had a morning back at my, now fave, bike shop and I am need of some help. Did I go for the (a) Focus (b) Felt or (c) Specialised....which were my choices yesterday, nope I went for a Giant and she is awesome. I have had a couple of modifications done and as I was in the shop at 8.45am they got it all done for me by 4pm. Ooops I only went to look! Honest, no I did but she smiled at me and then when I took her on the test track and then tried a couple of Treks she looked so sad. Ummm I am ever so sorry I have become quite attached already but she will be staying downstairs. Yup she is in the house I cant leave her in one of the sheds as she would get cold....oh yes the help bit. Well I want to name her. My MTB has a name - Monty - not original but I like it, so I now need to name my Giant. Did that just sound a bit wrong?
When I got her back home after having to drive with my nose 3 inches from the windscreen in my 'oh so built to carry bikes Punto', (yes still have it but at least the loo men have admitted liability so no excess fee, another whoop). I put her inside and stared for a while. One of the reasons for staring is the pedals - I have never in all my time riding bikes, which is a while, used spd's. No not spuds or other starchy vegetable. Pedals. So I have them now and a set to go on Monty. I have seen and heard stories of first rides with these pedals and do you know what I did it! New shoes on, high vis on and I went for a great ride tonight just under the 10 miles and at every junction forced myself to stop and learn how to get my foot out of the pedal, then take off and try and look cool while I get foot back in pedal. I imagine it will become easier and at some stage I will forget that my feet are stuck to the pedals but not tonight. I was proud of myself anyway. Pat on back versus head. So my training begins in earnst now.
I also have a decorating update for those of you who have not yawned yet. It is really quite an awesome job my bro has done.
So today was good day, I now have my road bike for training, my tourer is being built (oh did I mention that?) kit is arriving by the day, finances are being sorted, house is being prepped for sale/rent and passport arrived back after only 8 days - wow - check and send at Post Office really works! So I wont be writing about the queue in the bank that was soooo slow I am sure I actually saw paint drying, or the rather elderly gentleman who forgot which side of the road to drive on and was coming towards me, or the person in the Citroen Picasso 10 plate who drove past me tonight so close that their wing mirror tugged my jacket sleeve only to pull over 10 metres further up and look at a map. I smiled as I rode past, no again I really did....ok with my tongue out. So today is a day that takes me another day closer to seeing someone I quite like alot, a sentiment shared with me tonight by one other reader of my blog.
I also had a morning back at my, now fave, bike shop and I am need of some help. Did I go for the (a) Focus (b) Felt or (c) Specialised....which were my choices yesterday, nope I went for a Giant and she is awesome. I have had a couple of modifications done and as I was in the shop at 8.45am they got it all done for me by 4pm. Ooops I only went to look! Honest, no I did but she smiled at me and then when I took her on the test track and then tried a couple of Treks she looked so sad. Ummm I am ever so sorry I have become quite attached already but she will be staying downstairs. Yup she is in the house I cant leave her in one of the sheds as she would get cold....oh yes the help bit. Well I want to name her. My MTB has a name - Monty - not original but I like it, so I now need to name my Giant. Did that just sound a bit wrong?
When I got her back home after having to drive with my nose 3 inches from the windscreen in my 'oh so built to carry bikes Punto', (yes still have it but at least the loo men have admitted liability so no excess fee, another whoop). I put her inside and stared for a while. One of the reasons for staring is the pedals - I have never in all my time riding bikes, which is a while, used spd's. No not spuds or other starchy vegetable. Pedals. So I have them now and a set to go on Monty. I have seen and heard stories of first rides with these pedals and do you know what I did it! New shoes on, high vis on and I went for a great ride tonight just under the 10 miles and at every junction forced myself to stop and learn how to get my foot out of the pedal, then take off and try and look cool while I get foot back in pedal. I imagine it will become easier and at some stage I will forget that my feet are stuck to the pedals but not tonight. I was proud of myself anyway. Pat on back versus head. So my training begins in earnst now.
I also have a decorating update for those of you who have not yawned yet. It is really quite an awesome job my bro has done.
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| Em's room with a great space on the wall to add photos and pictures |
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| Em's room again with the cherished desk which sees a lot of creative writing done |
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| Nath's room with Wolfie centre stage |
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| Nath room with same design on wall for him to add what he wishes |
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| My brother wont tell me where he got this for the wall...I want one! |
So today was good day, I now have my road bike for training, my tourer is being built (oh did I mention that?) kit is arriving by the day, finances are being sorted, house is being prepped for sale/rent and passport arrived back after only 8 days - wow - check and send at Post Office really works! So I wont be writing about the queue in the bank that was soooo slow I am sure I actually saw paint drying, or the rather elderly gentleman who forgot which side of the road to drive on and was coming towards me, or the person in the Citroen Picasso 10 plate who drove past me tonight so close that their wing mirror tugged my jacket sleeve only to pull over 10 metres further up and look at a map. I smiled as I rode past, no again I really did....ok with my tongue out. So today is a day that takes me another day closer to seeing someone I quite like alot, a sentiment shared with me tonight by one other reader of my blog.
Thursday, 23 September 2010
Wisdom and song
A day best described as amusing. Enjoyed my drive in this morning at just under 63mph to stop the wind noise in my overpowered 1.whatever eco 10 plate punto. Journey took a bit longer but I was on the phone for most of it so only really was on my own for the last 4miles in 45 minutes. I did sit there wondering when junc 12 of the M4 will actually be finished or is their a slightly sadistic traffic planner thinking of as many different combinations of cones as they possible can and then just for an added twist takes away any signs that might give advanced warning that the layout is different to the last time you came through here 45 minutes ago. The speed at which they must move is frightening as I have never seen them.
Today was amusing because I made a decision not to take myself too seriously and just enjoy the day. I had some fantastic conversations which have resulted in me having to now make a decision between Felt, Focus and Specialised. We were meeting about training but got a little distracted after a comment to me about looking as though I had lost at least two dress sizes since I had last seen them. We then spent 75% of the meeting talking about aluminium, carbon, plasma, gear ratios, wheels, frame sizes, tyres and tyre sizes. If you do ever read this you know who you are and thank you. I am taking my new found knowledege shopping tomorrow.
I went out for a stroll at lunch to exchange some rather fetching running tights...well I thought they were ok but according to ones training partner was advised that even doing the hoovering in the dark (they were reflective) at home on my own would constitute a crime so please take them back and exchange them for something more flattering... so I have.
I was sent some words of wisdom tonight from a fellow adventurer who has crossed the continent of africa a number of times and left loved ones at home for months. I am going to do my best to abide by some very simple but needed to be reminded of rules in fairness.
Today was amusing because I made a decision not to take myself too seriously and just enjoy the day. I had some fantastic conversations which have resulted in me having to now make a decision between Felt, Focus and Specialised. We were meeting about training but got a little distracted after a comment to me about looking as though I had lost at least two dress sizes since I had last seen them. We then spent 75% of the meeting talking about aluminium, carbon, plasma, gear ratios, wheels, frame sizes, tyres and tyre sizes. If you do ever read this you know who you are and thank you. I am taking my new found knowledege shopping tomorrow.
I went out for a stroll at lunch to exchange some rather fetching running tights...well I thought they were ok but according to ones training partner was advised that even doing the hoovering in the dark (they were reflective) at home on my own would constitute a crime so please take them back and exchange them for something more flattering... so I have.
I was sent some words of wisdom tonight from a fellow adventurer who has crossed the continent of africa a number of times and left loved ones at home for months. I am going to do my best to abide by some very simple but needed to be reminded of rules in fairness.
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| Charlie - asleep and proud |
I had a great monologue on my way back tonight to a long time friend and coach from Texas. We are going to speak again over the weekend as I did my usual talk at, which we agreed was ok. She told me that it was great to hear my voice full of song. I have reflected on that tonight whilst watching Karl in the opening of The Idiot Abroad. I have not watched tv for a while. Fortunately I had Charlie for company although volume went up as he snored.
My reflections on song reminded me that I have not really finished my cave story. The thing is with storing things in caves is that very occasionally, and in my life only once, someone comes along that has a look, wires it up with dynamite and blows the thing to smithereens (always wanted to write that word). When the dust settles, you approach cautiously and nothing is quite where it was. It is familiar yet unfamiliar. You need to pick up some pieces and dust them off and look to see if you can find a new place to put them. You also find that some of the things you thought were worth storing weren't and that there are now new places that have emerged to store things that have not happened yet. That has happened to me, it is refreshing as I am now viewing things differently. It is not a temporary thing either, it is truly built to last.
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Ghosts, the cave and potential
Umm, tis late courtesy of the air taxi company that is orange. Was a packed flight tonight and Hearing Dog was back on it and this time he flew at 29000ft, it was minus 42c outside and we had a 100mph headwind! No I didnt ask for this information to be shared but the first officer decided he needed to exercise his booming yet reassuring vocal chords whilst I was in the land of nod half way through the flight...
So I arrive home and my brother has started decorating to get the house in order for rent or sale whichever comes first. He had cooked an amazing dinner of special chicken and special potato and it was yum in a very special way. He has started on the children's rooms and is letting his creative flair just go for it. Em's room now has 3 differing shades of pink walls and Nath's is going green and then an element of camouflage will appear.
He asked me later if I knew whether the house was haunted, umm a slightly loaded question. My last house was for the first 2 years of living in it by a number of souls including a baby in the first year, footsteps, cold passing hands, doors opening, things disappearing or falling off shelves, voices and towards the end of my time there an old lady who went and sat on the end of Nathan's bed and he described her in detail the morning after. That all centred around the house being used as a holding area for prisoners in the time of Judge Jeffreys . When the farmhouse next door underwent renovations a year after we moved in they found cutlery, knives and bone fragments buried in the cellars and writing on the walls daring back to the same period.
But in this house, whilst it pre dates 1869 but does not go back to 1685, I have not felt anything. He said that he was sitting in the lounge last night and heard someone run the length of the landing. It is quite a long landing. Charlie my brothers spaniel went nuts as they searched the house for the source. Umm again I am going to enjoy Friday to Sunday night me thinks...
As for the cave, it was the best analogy I could come up with in a discussion this afternoon about how I was able to compartmentalise everything that I do and feel. I described it as a cave with many clefts in the rock, some deep, some shallow, some covered with small doors that locked, some covered with cobwebs. In each of these was a bit of me, from experiences, to emotions. to lessons learnt the hard and easy way, to thoughts, to actions and activities. Each has its place and no matter what you do there is always room for a little more to be placed inside the safety of the cave. Sometimes however things, incidents, people come along and stumbled across what for me has been a sanctuary where I know I can go to just be me, not judged, just me. I think that is a good thing as it makes you think about how you order your thinking, feeling, experiences and emotions. They cant always stay locked away, sometimes they need to come out to party just to remind you of who you are and the value that others place in you, be it love, friendship or just to be able to experience the wonder of you or me.
In the next 10 days I am going to be assessed for my potential. I know it is finite but I don't know in relation to the professional environment whether I have reached my ceiling. I will find out and then I will share. It will be a challenging experience I know. I have met the consultant today and I know she has sat on a train back home from Edinburgh thinking about our meeting. I know I am a loon, sometimes described as mad, and for one person I know a freak ;-). Sometimes many other things but that is when I am not around ;-D. It will be enlightening of that I am certain.
So I arrive home and my brother has started decorating to get the house in order for rent or sale whichever comes first. He had cooked an amazing dinner of special chicken and special potato and it was yum in a very special way. He has started on the children's rooms and is letting his creative flair just go for it. Em's room now has 3 differing shades of pink walls and Nath's is going green and then an element of camouflage will appear.
He asked me later if I knew whether the house was haunted, umm a slightly loaded question. My last house was for the first 2 years of living in it by a number of souls including a baby in the first year, footsteps, cold passing hands, doors opening, things disappearing or falling off shelves, voices and towards the end of my time there an old lady who went and sat on the end of Nathan's bed and he described her in detail the morning after. That all centred around the house being used as a holding area for prisoners in the time of Judge Jeffreys . When the farmhouse next door underwent renovations a year after we moved in they found cutlery, knives and bone fragments buried in the cellars and writing on the walls daring back to the same period.
But in this house, whilst it pre dates 1869 but does not go back to 1685, I have not felt anything. He said that he was sitting in the lounge last night and heard someone run the length of the landing. It is quite a long landing. Charlie my brothers spaniel went nuts as they searched the house for the source. Umm again I am going to enjoy Friday to Sunday night me thinks...
As for the cave, it was the best analogy I could come up with in a discussion this afternoon about how I was able to compartmentalise everything that I do and feel. I described it as a cave with many clefts in the rock, some deep, some shallow, some covered with small doors that locked, some covered with cobwebs. In each of these was a bit of me, from experiences, to emotions. to lessons learnt the hard and easy way, to thoughts, to actions and activities. Each has its place and no matter what you do there is always room for a little more to be placed inside the safety of the cave. Sometimes however things, incidents, people come along and stumbled across what for me has been a sanctuary where I know I can go to just be me, not judged, just me. I think that is a good thing as it makes you think about how you order your thinking, feeling, experiences and emotions. They cant always stay locked away, sometimes they need to come out to party just to remind you of who you are and the value that others place in you, be it love, friendship or just to be able to experience the wonder of you or me.
In the next 10 days I am going to be assessed for my potential. I know it is finite but I don't know in relation to the professional environment whether I have reached my ceiling. I will find out and then I will share. It will be a challenging experience I know. I have met the consultant today and I know she has sat on a train back home from Edinburgh thinking about our meeting. I know I am a loon, sometimes described as mad, and for one person I know a freak ;-). Sometimes many other things but that is when I am not around ;-D. It will be enlightening of that I am certain.
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Peace
I now know I know what peace is and what it enables you to do. Peace is one of those things that descends upon you, seeking it is pointless for there will always be something that gets in the way. Peace can descend through chaos and restore calm or maybe brings calm with it like a twin.
I am more peaceful some have said this week and I am because I now know I know.
For those of you that have lent your ears for me to bend and flex, for family members who have sat reading this feeling a desire to support and not necessarily knowing how, rest assured that your wishes, words, deeds, thoughts and support are impacting on both of us. It is tough for Izzy far tougher than for me. She knows I am looked after. Send your thoughts, prayers and wishes to her tonight for she will need them with her on her journey.
I am more peaceful some have said this week and I am because I now know I know.
For those of you that have lent your ears for me to bend and flex, for family members who have sat reading this feeling a desire to support and not necessarily knowing how, rest assured that your wishes, words, deeds, thoughts and support are impacting on both of us. It is tough for Izzy far tougher than for me. She knows I am looked after. Send your thoughts, prayers and wishes to her tonight for she will need them with her on her journey.
Hearing Dog, the bathroom, the irrelevance and reminders
Dear friends and family and those who have stumbled across my random witterings and are hooked on learning more about the life that I have. Tuesday 21st September my middle bro's birthday. Happy Birthday Will.
Today I have seen and heard things that I have not come across before some good and some not so good. So the good ones first so we can build to the not so good, and then gently deflate like a balloon faded and jaded caught on a telephone wire after being released in the vague hope that it will circumnavigate the world and land in a place where someone just happens to, a) read English and b) have enough credit on their phone to dial the unusually long number on the once shiny tag. Instead the releaser of the balloon stares at their creation but 20ft away suspended, out of reach and awaiting its destiny from the next puff of wind. They wish it well, hoping that tomorrow it is gone and then amble off with a sense of......Actually that makes me sad, so the good news wins always.
First the hearing dog, i have seen guide dogs aplenty and read much about hearing and sensing dogs but not been able to rub the ears of one and tickle its tummy at 28000ft whilst flying to Edinburgh this morning! It was one of those things that you started to think, I hope it is plane trained, what if, how does it equalise the pressure in its ears? and many other thoughts went through my mind as I sat reading Cycling Active.
Then as my mind wandered back to the page I turn it over to see an advert for the Surly Long Haul Trucker (Georgie's bike Sally with slight editing by her bike builders colleagues) and also a Pashley Poppy (Georgies get around town bike which I have often strolled alongside or at one time held out the house keys from my car window as she deftly negotiated traffic, grabbed the keys and raced me home). Makes me smile alot.
Then after a day which consisted of many meetings, phone calls, emails, frustrations, a quick read of her blog update, job offer, meetings and more phone calls, I headed off to the hotel for tonight. I bashed out just under 6 miles cycling in the 20 minutes I had before I need to be back in the room changed and out to dinner. Back to the room, sweaty but elated - better times than last week, I completed my ablutions before thinking - teeth must clean them - they have been up since 4am and it is now 7.20pm. Urgh! I turned on the tap, no water from sink, oh no some numpty had pulled out the pipes and water was now gushing over the floor and I mean gushing, Brain help me and tap was turned off. I pulled my just showered towel off the closed toilet seat to mop the floor (so considerate) before calling reception, and with the towel came the entire toilet seat including assembly! OK - I need to get out of here. 1 manager visit later I am now in the complete access room, as they have called it.
So I sit on a slightly lower chair with a desk in proportion, so no Ronny Corbit impersonations tonight. However I did have a story relayed to me at work today about a call from 3 mobile and it went something like this.....'Hi, I am so glad to have finally got hold of you sir, can I ask who is speaking?' - My name is irrelevant how did you....' 'I am sorry sir, but can you spell that for me...'
So tonight I had a different dining experience but nonetheless great company and I managed not to spend the entire night talking about me. But as for reminders as I looked down the list of starters I could not help but smile and order - 'duck roles with a Vietnamese dressing'
Today I have seen and heard things that I have not come across before some good and some not so good. So the good ones first so we can build to the not so good, and then gently deflate like a balloon faded and jaded caught on a telephone wire after being released in the vague hope that it will circumnavigate the world and land in a place where someone just happens to, a) read English and b) have enough credit on their phone to dial the unusually long number on the once shiny tag. Instead the releaser of the balloon stares at their creation but 20ft away suspended, out of reach and awaiting its destiny from the next puff of wind. They wish it well, hoping that tomorrow it is gone and then amble off with a sense of......Actually that makes me sad, so the good news wins always.
First the hearing dog, i have seen guide dogs aplenty and read much about hearing and sensing dogs but not been able to rub the ears of one and tickle its tummy at 28000ft whilst flying to Edinburgh this morning! It was one of those things that you started to think, I hope it is plane trained, what if, how does it equalise the pressure in its ears? and many other thoughts went through my mind as I sat reading Cycling Active.
Then as my mind wandered back to the page I turn it over to see an advert for the Surly Long Haul Trucker (Georgie's bike Sally with slight editing by her bike builders colleagues) and also a Pashley Poppy (Georgies get around town bike which I have often strolled alongside or at one time held out the house keys from my car window as she deftly negotiated traffic, grabbed the keys and raced me home). Makes me smile alot.
Then after a day which consisted of many meetings, phone calls, emails, frustrations, a quick read of her blog update, job offer, meetings and more phone calls, I headed off to the hotel for tonight. I bashed out just under 6 miles cycling in the 20 minutes I had before I need to be back in the room changed and out to dinner. Back to the room, sweaty but elated - better times than last week, I completed my ablutions before thinking - teeth must clean them - they have been up since 4am and it is now 7.20pm. Urgh! I turned on the tap, no water from sink, oh no some numpty had pulled out the pipes and water was now gushing over the floor and I mean gushing, Brain help me and tap was turned off. I pulled my just showered towel off the closed toilet seat to mop the floor (so considerate) before calling reception, and with the towel came the entire toilet seat including assembly! OK - I need to get out of here. 1 manager visit later I am now in the complete access room, as they have called it.
So I sit on a slightly lower chair with a desk in proportion, so no Ronny Corbit impersonations tonight. However I did have a story relayed to me at work today about a call from 3 mobile and it went something like this.....'Hi, I am so glad to have finally got hold of you sir, can I ask who is speaking?' - My name is irrelevant how did you....' 'I am sorry sir, but can you spell that for me...'
So tonight I had a different dining experience but nonetheless great company and I managed not to spend the entire night talking about me. But as for reminders as I looked down the list of starters I could not help but smile and order - 'duck roles with a Vietnamese dressing'
Monday, 20 September 2010
Ambiguity
Thursday night and Friday and Saturday mornings lifted a veil of ambuiguity from my mind, heart, emotions and dreams and I have spent today reflecting on all that is awesome in this world. I know that if you cant hear this you will be able to read the lyrics and hopefully like me be a little bit moved. This is for Izzy, she is going to have a tough couple of weeks of hardcore cycling and I know that keeping her going when she is tired, hot and hungry is thought of all of us who care for her, love her and are willing her succeed wherever she gets to. We are proud of you and you are an inspiration to many.
Knees, Battery Hens and a Stalker!
Evening, well here we are at the end of a day full of surprises. Is it not just great to live in the right here and right now? You never quite know what is round the corner. I woke up this morning and both my knees decided they would be a little reluctant to follow the brain signals I was sending. Ummm. Dont like them but apparently as I did not study medicine, I have to go and speak to them. So 2 hours later, come back home on my bike, with the 'you cannot run for the next 7 days' ringing in my ears. I would not mind but nowt to do with running and all to do with portaloo incident. Damn it!
I sat in my office at home today waiting for the car to be picked up and made pretty again, whilst juggling calls and emails and proposals and invoices, the usual. Suddenly I just sat still and then it came to me. What am I doing?. The sun is shining, I have been working since 5am it is now ten to two and I have not stopped, well other than the doc's. I just had a vague level of empathy with a battery chicken. The difference is the cage was of my own making and just needed to be shifted. Bike help me. 52 minutes and 14 miles later including some off road I was back, a little sweaty it must be said, but I was feeling alive again. Phew...
Short lived though when newbie car hire man turned up. O M G! Have you ever met anyone who asks you a question for the sake of it so that when they talk at you they feel like you might be in a dialogue. Oh No, this was monolgue town. I know where he lives, his girlfriend lives, I know what she does for a job and where, I know how long it takes both of them to get to work, where they are going on holiday, when they are going on holiday, how long they are going on holiday for, what cars he likes, what cars he loves and what cars he loathes and just to be sure I knew the latter he pointed them out as we drove back to the depot to sort the paperwork. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGH - I knew the paperwork was going to be hardcore but the surprise was the countdown he gave me til the card machine registered the amount. I had a running commentary of every box he was filling in and why. He then went through every box again as I was just about sign it. To sign it he withdrew his pen with such a flourish and hit the button on the top of it with such a big smile on his face I did at that point laugh, out loud and then stopped abruptly!
He had picked me up in the car I was to have, wow what a ride. He inspected the car from the outside and underneath... he was the last person driving it! I just stood and watched the world tick by ever so very slowly and painfully. 96 minutes that I cant get back...ok rant over but seriously there is helpful and then there is xxxxx who works at a rental agency in Bridgwater. I am sure someone is very proud of his achievements. I really needed to depart.
But before I do I want to thank my stalker. This stalker is of the awesome and immensely warm hearted, understanding and empathetic variety. She stalks me by text, email, her husbands email and by phone. It is great because I know that not only does she care about me and is checking to see how I am she also sends great care out to Izzy too.
I sat in my office at home today waiting for the car to be picked up and made pretty again, whilst juggling calls and emails and proposals and invoices, the usual. Suddenly I just sat still and then it came to me. What am I doing?. The sun is shining, I have been working since 5am it is now ten to two and I have not stopped, well other than the doc's. I just had a vague level of empathy with a battery chicken. The difference is the cage was of my own making and just needed to be shifted. Bike help me. 52 minutes and 14 miles later including some off road I was back, a little sweaty it must be said, but I was feeling alive again. Phew...
Short lived though when newbie car hire man turned up. O M G! Have you ever met anyone who asks you a question for the sake of it so that when they talk at you they feel like you might be in a dialogue. Oh No, this was monolgue town. I know where he lives, his girlfriend lives, I know what she does for a job and where, I know how long it takes both of them to get to work, where they are going on holiday, when they are going on holiday, how long they are going on holiday for, what cars he likes, what cars he loves and what cars he loathes and just to be sure I knew the latter he pointed them out as we drove back to the depot to sort the paperwork. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGH - I knew the paperwork was going to be hardcore but the surprise was the countdown he gave me til the card machine registered the amount. I had a running commentary of every box he was filling in and why. He then went through every box again as I was just about sign it. To sign it he withdrew his pen with such a flourish and hit the button on the top of it with such a big smile on his face I did at that point laugh, out loud and then stopped abruptly!
He had picked me up in the car I was to have, wow what a ride. He inspected the car from the outside and underneath... he was the last person driving it! I just stood and watched the world tick by ever so very slowly and painfully. 96 minutes that I cant get back...ok rant over but seriously there is helpful and then there is xxxxx who works at a rental agency in Bridgwater. I am sure someone is very proud of his achievements. I really needed to depart.
But before I do I want to thank my stalker. This stalker is of the awesome and immensely warm hearted, understanding and empathetic variety. She stalks me by text, email, her husbands email and by phone. It is great because I know that not only does she care about me and is checking to see how I am she also sends great care out to Izzy too.
Sunday, 19 September 2010
I just know I now know
Yeah, ok post no. 2. There is a person new in my life that both I and others think is awesome. I dont quite know how I can be so blessed to have her as a friend but the timing is spookily coincidental as I go through the challenges of emotions and feelings over recent weeks. A phrase oft used to me is 'James, you know you know'. At first this was infuriating for me, know what? you know you know - doesnt make sense. But it is not the quick fire answer that will guide you to what you know you know. You need to think beyond the initial response and go for what is deeper inside.
I have added a word, to this phrase which is I know I 'now' know. The reason for this is because what sometimes you hope for, if you are less than true to yourself, you will be disappointed with when it fails to materialise.
I know now I know what is to be. It will take time, it will take courage, trust and love to guide us there. Izzy sent me a message this morning and in it was reference to 2 songs. The first is in this link only click here if you want to understand more The second I have found many mentions, and links to, but the video images on this version capture everything perfectly for us. I also know that many would prefer another version so happy listening music critics Mr Sayer. Lets just replay them and celebrate everything that is awesome in the world. My response to those who lack the belief that this is real I want to add this link as a way of saying this how I feel right here right now. Thinking of you angel
I have added a word, to this phrase which is I know I 'now' know. The reason for this is because what sometimes you hope for, if you are less than true to yourself, you will be disappointed with when it fails to materialise.
I know now I know what is to be. It will take time, it will take courage, trust and love to guide us there. Izzy sent me a message this morning and in it was reference to 2 songs. The first is in this link only click here if you want to understand more The second I have found many mentions, and links to, but the video images on this version capture everything perfectly for us. I also know that many would prefer another version so happy listening music critics Mr Sayer. Lets just replay them and celebrate everything that is awesome in the world. My response to those who lack the belief that this is real I want to add this link as a way of saying this how I feel right here right now. Thinking of you angel
The Kingfisher, Gremlin and White Monkey
Sunday, a day of rest for some, a day of adventure for others, a day of enrichment for me.
Big title and probably a little confusing so let me explain, no happy smokes for me today, this has been a day that started by dropping off my angels (!) back home so that Em could have a day shopping with mum and Nathan could go on his falconry experience with Cubs.
I went for a run along the canal, a gentle 4.5 miles. I love this stretch of water and have yet to be disappointed on my quest to see kingfishers. As I turned out of the car park, not 2 metres away perched on a reed above the water was Mrs kingfisher. I just stood and watched. I am fascinated by their colour, speed and agility. They make you feel so privileged to have seen them as so many look but don't. This was the start of an hour in which a deer and her 2 fawns lying alert in a field on the to the right of the water watched as I pounded past, I would say run but at the moment I am pounding. Then later and 2 miles in a heron, observed me as i went past not 1 metre away. Being out there and just experiencing what we have all around us is what living in the present is all about.
I then had the fortune for lunch in the spa city of Bath with my very good friend SP. I have to say I did much of the talking as it just felt so good to just be me and share everything (sorry SP). Things have moved on since I last spoke to her so it was an update lunch. We were talking about sometimes that feeling that gremlins have taken over your mind, thoughts and body - you know the experience of saying or doing something or thinking somethings that others see or hear as out of character, or you find bewildering as you cant quite fathom where it came from. Izzy and I have had and continue to have many of those experiences.
Then the White Monkey came into play. SP had often been past this little tea sellers and they had a tea room which we ambled to after leaving clean plates at lunch. O M G if you are ever in Bath - go!
Except the only directions I can give you is that it is on the same street as Habitat. The menu of tea was about 8 pages and coffee 4 - so I had to have the white monkey tea, purely on the basis of name. The pots were awesome, the cups cute and the timer a revelation in an age of speed and pace!
I have not mentioned the cakes on the basis that you would probably think I was even more of a loon than you do already. The apple cake I had was the best apple cake I have ever had and the portion of gluten free jasmine and orange cake served to my compadre disappeared to the similar sounds of watching fireworks! Must run it off in the morning me thinks.
So to tonight, must get some work done and empty the car of all my personal stuff before it goes in for repairs tomorrow.
Izzy is now back on the mainland and was intending on getting about 20 miles down the coast before an overnight stop then the beginning of a challenging slog down to Hue. The anticipation is that the next 2 weeks we may hear less from her but she knows that we all admire her courage, passion and conviction. She is an inspiration to many including me. Ride safe angel.
Big title and probably a little confusing so let me explain, no happy smokes for me today, this has been a day that started by dropping off my angels (!) back home so that Em could have a day shopping with mum and Nathan could go on his falconry experience with Cubs.
I went for a run along the canal, a gentle 4.5 miles. I love this stretch of water and have yet to be disappointed on my quest to see kingfishers. As I turned out of the car park, not 2 metres away perched on a reed above the water was Mrs kingfisher. I just stood and watched. I am fascinated by their colour, speed and agility. They make you feel so privileged to have seen them as so many look but don't. This was the start of an hour in which a deer and her 2 fawns lying alert in a field on the to the right of the water watched as I pounded past, I would say run but at the moment I am pounding. Then later and 2 miles in a heron, observed me as i went past not 1 metre away. Being out there and just experiencing what we have all around us is what living in the present is all about.
I then had the fortune for lunch in the spa city of Bath with my very good friend SP. I have to say I did much of the talking as it just felt so good to just be me and share everything (sorry SP). Things have moved on since I last spoke to her so it was an update lunch. We were talking about sometimes that feeling that gremlins have taken over your mind, thoughts and body - you know the experience of saying or doing something or thinking somethings that others see or hear as out of character, or you find bewildering as you cant quite fathom where it came from. Izzy and I have had and continue to have many of those experiences.
Then the White Monkey came into play. SP had often been past this little tea sellers and they had a tea room which we ambled to after leaving clean plates at lunch. O M G if you are ever in Bath - go!
Except the only directions I can give you is that it is on the same street as Habitat. The menu of tea was about 8 pages and coffee 4 - so I had to have the white monkey tea, purely on the basis of name. The pots were awesome, the cups cute and the timer a revelation in an age of speed and pace!
I have not mentioned the cakes on the basis that you would probably think I was even more of a loon than you do already. The apple cake I had was the best apple cake I have ever had and the portion of gluten free jasmine and orange cake served to my compadre disappeared to the similar sounds of watching fireworks! Must run it off in the morning me thinks.
So to tonight, must get some work done and empty the car of all my personal stuff before it goes in for repairs tomorrow.
Izzy is now back on the mainland and was intending on getting about 20 miles down the coast before an overnight stop then the beginning of a challenging slog down to Hue. The anticipation is that the next 2 weeks we may hear less from her but she knows that we all admire her courage, passion and conviction. She is an inspiration to many including me. Ride safe angel.
Saturday, 18 September 2010
The power of connection
Evening all, ooops bit of an assumption on the 'all' but hey life is for living. Today has been a day of better fortune than yesterday and I want to share some stories of connection.
Something possessed, prompted or otherwise Izzy to switch her phone on this morning about 3.30am our time, she does not quite know what and there was a message from me about yesterday. I wanted to make sure she did not see blog first and worry. Foolish me. Of course she worried and was thinking of me and then she called. We spoke for an hour. It still amazes both of us that we can talk for so long, back in the UK it would have been around 2 hours. We don't repeat, we remember and we talked of so many things until the man on the megaphone in the background seemed to be moving people from the beach she was on. Tomorrow they set off on the ferry back to the mainland and head south for Cambodia. The connection between us is still growing, it is moved beyond conscious thought, it is deeper inside us than either of us have experienced before. It is amazing.
I got an awesome text this morning that reminded me that we are not unique in being partners apart. This couple have been through exactly, and I mean exactly, what Izzy and I face now. 21 years on they are still closer than ever and dancing around their living room like 10 year olds on a full pack of Haribo to Mumford & Sons (condensed version of actual message). Somethings are just meant to be. Thank you C, made me smile alot.
I also got an email this morning from my fine Scottish friend and I have taken the liberty of cutting and pasting some of it here as a great reminder of what used to be and how connections between people help to make the world a better place.
'Remember the days of penpals and letters that took 16 weeks to travel to the other side of the world and back. I'm sure it will all work out the way you want it to, you absolutely deserve every happiness.
So thank you for being a mate and for being there this week, I was going to say you've no idea how much it meant and means to me but having read the blog i guess you do'.
I have been reminded today of what life is about. Technology is an enabler of process and progress only. We have become so dependant on it and its instantaneous nature that it has changed the way we view the world and how we behave. Imagine not being able to text, imagine not getting a text back to a question, have you ever sat there and written a story in your mind as to what the person you texted must be thinking not to reply - or is that just me?
When was the last time you wrote a letter or even received one? We expect others to respond on our terms not theirs. Izzy's trip is a gentle reminder to us all that somethings are just not like that. There are people in this world who don't have access to even the basics of clean water which we so take for granted and waste everyday. Imagine life without a mobile, a microwave, a car. All of these things make our lives just go that little bit faster. What are we rushing towards exactly? So if you feel passionately about doing that little bit more to make our world a better place then Click here
Over the past few weeks the connections others have put out to me have been life changing. I do see the world differently now. This is not an evangelical born again moment, everything that is happening right now is making me understand my place in the universe, I know I can and do bring happiness to others, I can and do help others understand where they are and what living in the present is all about.
I will continue to need those connections around me, they balance me. I will feel vulnerable when I think I am strong, I will be strong when I think of the love that Izzy has for me. When Izzy is struggling to turn the crank, or hungry, hot or tired she will be stronger when she thinks about the love I have for her.
Stay connected, stay in tune with who you really are and live every day.
Something possessed, prompted or otherwise Izzy to switch her phone on this morning about 3.30am our time, she does not quite know what and there was a message from me about yesterday. I wanted to make sure she did not see blog first and worry. Foolish me. Of course she worried and was thinking of me and then she called. We spoke for an hour. It still amazes both of us that we can talk for so long, back in the UK it would have been around 2 hours. We don't repeat, we remember and we talked of so many things until the man on the megaphone in the background seemed to be moving people from the beach she was on. Tomorrow they set off on the ferry back to the mainland and head south for Cambodia. The connection between us is still growing, it is moved beyond conscious thought, it is deeper inside us than either of us have experienced before. It is amazing.
I got an awesome text this morning that reminded me that we are not unique in being partners apart. This couple have been through exactly, and I mean exactly, what Izzy and I face now. 21 years on they are still closer than ever and dancing around their living room like 10 year olds on a full pack of Haribo to Mumford & Sons (condensed version of actual message). Somethings are just meant to be. Thank you C, made me smile alot.
I also got an email this morning from my fine Scottish friend and I have taken the liberty of cutting and pasting some of it here as a great reminder of what used to be and how connections between people help to make the world a better place.
'Remember the days of penpals and letters that took 16 weeks to travel to the other side of the world and back. I'm sure it will all work out the way you want it to, you absolutely deserve every happiness.
So thank you for being a mate and for being there this week, I was going to say you've no idea how much it meant and means to me but having read the blog i guess you do'.
I have been reminded today of what life is about. Technology is an enabler of process and progress only. We have become so dependant on it and its instantaneous nature that it has changed the way we view the world and how we behave. Imagine not being able to text, imagine not getting a text back to a question, have you ever sat there and written a story in your mind as to what the person you texted must be thinking not to reply - or is that just me?
When was the last time you wrote a letter or even received one? We expect others to respond on our terms not theirs. Izzy's trip is a gentle reminder to us all that somethings are just not like that. There are people in this world who don't have access to even the basics of clean water which we so take for granted and waste everyday. Imagine life without a mobile, a microwave, a car. All of these things make our lives just go that little bit faster. What are we rushing towards exactly? So if you feel passionately about doing that little bit more to make our world a better place then Click here
Over the past few weeks the connections others have put out to me have been life changing. I do see the world differently now. This is not an evangelical born again moment, everything that is happening right now is making me understand my place in the universe, I know I can and do bring happiness to others, I can and do help others understand where they are and what living in the present is all about.
I will continue to need those connections around me, they balance me. I will feel vulnerable when I think I am strong, I will be strong when I think of the love that Izzy has for me. When Izzy is struggling to turn the crank, or hungry, hot or tired she will be stronger when she thinks about the love I have for her.
Stay connected, stay in tune with who you really are and live every day.
Friday, 17 September 2010
No. 3 Ludwig van Beethoven/ Special Thanks
Standing before me tonight, drying his hair after a shower is my son, Nathan. From under the towel comes the following - 'Dad', yes Nath I say, 'have you heard of a guy called Ludwig van Beethoven?'
Now forgive me here for indulging in a small tale of wonderment but really, what the hell is going on with me right now, am I hearing things?
Yes I have Nath, I replied. Can I ask what prompted you to ask? ' Yeah we are doing some stuff about him in assembly and Mr Taunton brought in a book about him with his music in it and it was 103 years old and had survived a flood!'
The conversation went on from there but really. I find it absolutely fascinating to view the world through the eyes of an 8 and 10 year old. It is an awesome experience and one that is so total in unconditional love. I did not know you could have the same level of love for a partner until I met Izzy. I care for her, love her and think of her as I now know she thinks of me. 16 weeks out of a lifetime, not much is it really...
I also have a special thanks to make in this post. There is a person out there who last night did the right thing. I spoke to her for about 45 minutes. She knows Izzy like no other and is also beginning to know me well. It would have been so easy for her to say nothing to me, in fact, most would probably have done. But she is different to most and I now know where Izzy gets that difference from. Thank you Jasmine. We will keep talking I know and you are so right that Izzy and I have the rest of our lives to do what we need to do. She will never be alone and I am delighted I have passed the most crucial test of all.
Now forgive me here for indulging in a small tale of wonderment but really, what the hell is going on with me right now, am I hearing things?
Yes I have Nath, I replied. Can I ask what prompted you to ask? ' Yeah we are doing some stuff about him in assembly and Mr Taunton brought in a book about him with his music in it and it was 103 years old and had survived a flood!'
The conversation went on from there but really. I find it absolutely fascinating to view the world through the eyes of an 8 and 10 year old. It is an awesome experience and one that is so total in unconditional love. I did not know you could have the same level of love for a partner until I met Izzy. I care for her, love her and think of her as I now know she thinks of me. 16 weeks out of a lifetime, not much is it really...
I also have a special thanks to make in this post. There is a person out there who last night did the right thing. I spoke to her for about 45 minutes. She knows Izzy like no other and is also beginning to know me well. It would have been so easy for her to say nothing to me, in fact, most would probably have done. But she is different to most and I now know where Izzy gets that difference from. Thank you Jasmine. We will keep talking I know and you are so right that Izzy and I have the rest of our lives to do what we need to do. She will never be alone and I am delighted I have passed the most crucial test of all.
No.2. The Backward Jigsaw
Umm, just think about that. Normally you have a picture and all of the pieces but imagine if you didnt. What would you do. Would you hazard a guess, make assumptions and just cobble it together as best you can. Then stand back and look at and say yup, that makes no sense whatsoever so I will try again...
My life over the last few weeks has been a bit like that. Led by feelings and emotions the like I have never known before (unless you ask my mum who will probably remember when I was last like this but I really cant). Peppered with doubt, vunerability and questions with no answers and then sprinkled with the unknown. All I have known is that I have been missing some pieces to the whole picture of the present but have not been in anyway able to influence what they may turn out to be.
This morning I spent just over an hour and half talking with the one woman in the world I would give my eye teeth to be with right now. She texted me so that we could speak about what the picture really looks like and she gave to me the final pieces so that we could together place them out in front of us to make the picture complete. She was on a beach in Vietnam, I was on pacing the kitchen in Catcott, UK but we could have been standing next to each other looking over the ocean/ orchard.
We have learnt so much about each other. I know how she sees me in her life and she knows how I see her in my life and we will go on together as one. Seperated by distance only. She told me a story of a couple she had met. She is from Poland and is travelling with her male schoolfriend, whilst her husband is at home in Romania. Similar but different.
The 2 things that are probably the most important things to Izzy and I right now, and her new Polish friend and her husband, are love and trust. We do with and to each other.
My life over the last few weeks has been a bit like that. Led by feelings and emotions the like I have never known before (unless you ask my mum who will probably remember when I was last like this but I really cant). Peppered with doubt, vunerability and questions with no answers and then sprinkled with the unknown. All I have known is that I have been missing some pieces to the whole picture of the present but have not been in anyway able to influence what they may turn out to be.
This morning I spent just over an hour and half talking with the one woman in the world I would give my eye teeth to be with right now. She texted me so that we could speak about what the picture really looks like and she gave to me the final pieces so that we could together place them out in front of us to make the picture complete. She was on a beach in Vietnam, I was on pacing the kitchen in Catcott, UK but we could have been standing next to each other looking over the ocean/ orchard.
We have learnt so much about each other. I know how she sees me in her life and she knows how I see her in my life and we will go on together as one. Seperated by distance only. She told me a story of a couple she had met. She is from Poland and is travelling with her male schoolfriend, whilst her husband is at home in Romania. Similar but different.
The 2 things that are probably the most important things to Izzy and I right now, and her new Polish friend and her husband, are love and trust. We do with and to each other.
No.1. Hit by a flying portaloo
Yep this did actually happen today as I was merrily (not merrry) driving my way back from a pitch to a board in Bristol. Slow motion as follows...I was heading towards the motorway and home, could see lorry coming towards me with around 4 portaloo's on it, as it went down a dip in the road they started to sway, I slowed as I could see they were going to tip, they did, I swerved into the verge (just cut as man was in garden- great witness), first one then the other loo hit the road, I missed the lampost by 1.5 inches (we measured it), portaloo number one did not miss me and crunched into front of car and sprayed blue liquid all down side of car. Portaloo 2 hit portaloo one and spun round to hit back of my car... all in about 4 seconds.
So hazards on, drivers in other cars swerving round loos in road (thanks for stopping people!). Errol, the man whose grass verge has my tyre tracks on it was awesome, as was his wife who came out armed with a camera and has taken all the decent photos for me and they went in the post tonight. He even washed the blue and unthinkable off my car for me, what a great couple and whilst I have said a thank you earlier tonight on the phone, again these random acts of kindness still amaze me.
I sat on the wall for a bit as Errol (pictured)requested, he said rather that than me fall into the road which now had my car one side, the lorry the other and 2 slightly forlorn looking portaloos stood on the side of the road leaking across the road. Hey ho, the manager of the driver who I spoke to came from the land of complete arses, as I wanted to check that the driver had given me the right details. Some people just dont know how to ask if you are ok? is that the nature of the litigous world we live in or does the assembly line of humankind just let some slip through.
So upshot of saga is new front wing, bonnet, headlight, bumper, fog light and not sure what has gone on behind the panels. I am fine if a little shaken by the experience. So the car gets picked up tomorrow and hire car dropped off. Joy, but I am so glad that (a) I was in what I was in as if it was a car it would have gone through windscreen, (b) it was not a cyclist (c) it was not a horse rider or anyone on foot as at combined speed of around 75mph a portaloo does not maketh a fitting end. I also expect that this will feature in the annual insurance round up of can you believe what people claim they had happen to them smileys. If only I was, smiling that is.
So hazards on, drivers in other cars swerving round loos in road (thanks for stopping people!). Errol, the man whose grass verge has my tyre tracks on it was awesome, as was his wife who came out armed with a camera and has taken all the decent photos for me and they went in the post tonight. He even washed the blue and unthinkable off my car for me, what a great couple and whilst I have said a thank you earlier tonight on the phone, again these random acts of kindness still amaze me.
So upshot of saga is new front wing, bonnet, headlight, bumper, fog light and not sure what has gone on behind the panels. I am fine if a little shaken by the experience. So the car gets picked up tomorrow and hire car dropped off. Joy, but I am so glad that (a) I was in what I was in as if it was a car it would have gone through windscreen, (b) it was not a cyclist (c) it was not a horse rider or anyone on foot as at combined speed of around 75mph a portaloo does not maketh a fitting end. I also expect that this will feature in the annual insurance round up of can you believe what people claim they had happen to them smileys. If only I was, smiling that is.
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Be prepared
Whilst the scouting association refer back to Baden Powell for this little statement, I think it is always wise to think ahead. It does not mean you are not living in the present if you think ahead to what might happen. As I sit here thinking about tomorrow and the meetings, calls and activities I need to undertake I am preparing for many eventualities.
I have blogged for the first time in my life and it has been an experience. For those of you who have tripped over this versus being directed, hey it is a mad world out there and I am just another one of those people who have decided to share a stream of consciousness.
For those of you have been directed you may have seen a different side to me, certainly I have over the past 8 days been humbled by the friendships that have been extended, the listening ears and the shoulders that have taken the brunt of the ugly crying. I have been overwhelmed at the support I have had from many people some who are new to my life and some who have been a part of my life for a while and I have truly underestimated how much you care about and for me.
Thank you for reading this, you know who you are and you have been awesome beyond words that I can write here. You have helped me focus on the present, you have provided laughs, smiles and every now and then a rather loud 'really, does this stuff happen to other people, you mean it is not as unique as I thought it was?'
You are never really alone in the world as I have found out, unless you want to be. Sometimes it takes something very major to make you wake up and see, hear, smell, touch, taste the world in a different way.
I have never quite known feelings like this before. I know that the level of vunerability that I have known has been good for me (well I will look back on it and know that but at the moment keep getting told it is). I have opened myself up in a way that is very unfamiliar, it has been a risk to do so and for once in my life an uncalculated one because it felt like the right thing to do. Who knows if it is, it has felt right for me.
Those that judge others by their words alone I feel sadness for. Those that judge others for their selfless acts I understand more. Those that can combine both the words and acts and maintain authenticity I appauld, for it is you who will determine the shape of things to come.
I have blogged for the first time in my life and it has been an experience. For those of you who have tripped over this versus being directed, hey it is a mad world out there and I am just another one of those people who have decided to share a stream of consciousness.
For those of you have been directed you may have seen a different side to me, certainly I have over the past 8 days been humbled by the friendships that have been extended, the listening ears and the shoulders that have taken the brunt of the ugly crying. I have been overwhelmed at the support I have had from many people some who are new to my life and some who have been a part of my life for a while and I have truly underestimated how much you care about and for me.
Thank you for reading this, you know who you are and you have been awesome beyond words that I can write here. You have helped me focus on the present, you have provided laughs, smiles and every now and then a rather loud 'really, does this stuff happen to other people, you mean it is not as unique as I thought it was?'
You are never really alone in the world as I have found out, unless you want to be. Sometimes it takes something very major to make you wake up and see, hear, smell, touch, taste the world in a different way.
I have never quite known feelings like this before. I know that the level of vunerability that I have known has been good for me (well I will look back on it and know that but at the moment keep getting told it is). I have opened myself up in a way that is very unfamiliar, it has been a risk to do so and for once in my life an uncalculated one because it felt like the right thing to do. Who knows if it is, it has felt right for me.
Those that judge others by their words alone I feel sadness for. Those that judge others for their selfless acts I understand more. Those that can combine both the words and acts and maintain authenticity I appauld, for it is you who will determine the shape of things to come.
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Did I do everything I could....?/ An automatic/The Pope
How many times when we are faced with the consequences of our actions or the actions of others do we ask ourselves this question? Tonight was a different night. Tonight I was there when a friend in need called. I was there to listen, not judge. I shared stories, I asked some questions and I helped to distract when required.
Isn't that what true friends do? They don't judge, they are there for their friends no matter what. When as described to me today the poo hit the oscillating wind generation machine, I was there and would have been wherever i was in the world. I know that by doing what I did tonight I have helped someone. They will be different because 3 hours have now passed and they will look at life through a different lens.
On a much smaller and less significant scale, I looked at life through a different lens yesterday when I got to the car rental at the airport and sat in the first automatic car I have driven in 20 years. Previously I would have gone back to the desk and asked for a manual but yesterday I thought ok, have not done it for a while, you live once, lets give it a go. 2 footed braking is not recommended when a car is following you to a junction. They are good brakes as we both discovered...so the car might not be as pristine as it was when I picked it up but it has been an experience...
I have just been down to reception and yet another experience has befallen me. Part of the papal delegation and some of the immensely tall and very fit Swiss guard have just arrived. I had almost forgotten but with their multitude of baggage, languages and gesticulations I soon remembered what a big day tomorrow is for those of a certain faith, the curious and those who get caught up in the endless miles of stationary traffic as a little corner of Scotland comes to a halt to let one man have his say. I imagine it will be quite something but I am only going to imagine.
Imagination, the mind is a wondrous beast. It can take you anywhere and everywhere. You can see, hear, sense, touch or taste something and then you are suddenly somewhere else, thinking, smiling or pondering on what happened, could have or should have been. I wonder if you think about your favourite food, you know if you had one last meal, what would it be? Can you see it, taste it, smell it, touch it?
I wonder have your taste buds just started salivating. If they haven't clear your mind of clutter and just think about the first bite? What will it be like? There you go. The mind is quite powerful.
I hope you cant hear it, unless it is a bowl of rice crispies or a plate of sizzling chicken ready for loading into a wrap or anyway...
Tonight I have to make a decision. It is an important one and because of that I am going to end my blog here and see if I cant have a sit and think about what decision I make. Every decision we make has consequences some known some unknown. So I need to clear my clutter and let my mind do its amazing stuff.
Isn't that what true friends do? They don't judge, they are there for their friends no matter what. When as described to me today the poo hit the oscillating wind generation machine, I was there and would have been wherever i was in the world. I know that by doing what I did tonight I have helped someone. They will be different because 3 hours have now passed and they will look at life through a different lens.
On a much smaller and less significant scale, I looked at life through a different lens yesterday when I got to the car rental at the airport and sat in the first automatic car I have driven in 20 years. Previously I would have gone back to the desk and asked for a manual but yesterday I thought ok, have not done it for a while, you live once, lets give it a go. 2 footed braking is not recommended when a car is following you to a junction. They are good brakes as we both discovered...so the car might not be as pristine as it was when I picked it up but it has been an experience...
I have just been down to reception and yet another experience has befallen me. Part of the papal delegation and some of the immensely tall and very fit Swiss guard have just arrived. I had almost forgotten but with their multitude of baggage, languages and gesticulations I soon remembered what a big day tomorrow is for those of a certain faith, the curious and those who get caught up in the endless miles of stationary traffic as a little corner of Scotland comes to a halt to let one man have his say. I imagine it will be quite something but I am only going to imagine.
Imagination, the mind is a wondrous beast. It can take you anywhere and everywhere. You can see, hear, sense, touch or taste something and then you are suddenly somewhere else, thinking, smiling or pondering on what happened, could have or should have been. I wonder if you think about your favourite food, you know if you had one last meal, what would it be? Can you see it, taste it, smell it, touch it?
I wonder have your taste buds just started salivating. If they haven't clear your mind of clutter and just think about the first bite? What will it be like? There you go. The mind is quite powerful.
I hope you cant hear it, unless it is a bowl of rice crispies or a plate of sizzling chicken ready for loading into a wrap or anyway...
Tonight I have to make a decision. It is an important one and because of that I am going to end my blog here and see if I cant have a sit and think about what decision I make. Every decision we make has consequences some known some unknown. So I need to clear my clutter and let my mind do its amazing stuff.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Mums know best / Something good will come of this
Tuesday, the first day that Izzy will be on the road fulfilling part of an ambition to experience more of life, culture and just to be. For me, I left home at 4.30am and knew that at the same time with 6 hours difference she would be starting her journey. I have been thinking of her all day today for a whole host of reasons.
Last night I needed a chat with someone who knows her better than anyone and plucked up the courage to use the open offer a call with her mum. Oh I hear you say, what did you go and do that for? Well I wanted to let her know that I was thinking of her daughter through a more personal style than a brief email or blog. I also want to let her know what I had 'told' Izzy I was preparing to do and why. I wanted to hear her talk of Izzy and what might be going, has been going and will go through her thoughts. I just need to hear the voice of someone else who knows what an awesome person she is. It was a great conversation and thank you Jasmine.
The challenge with Izzy is that what she hears, takes on board and then does are somewhat different, however she has an ability to listen, hear, remember and playback what I have said better than anyone I know. She will make an awesome performance coach.
Doubting thomas is a nasty man I have decided after much research and personal experience. One of the things that makes what we have unique in both our experiences is that we tell it how it is. We dont let Mr Thomas creep in and spread his virus of doubt, fear, worry and complexity. We might agree, not agree, like or not like what we hear but at least we have shared the thinking. It is a refreshing approach. However sometimes we need a little reinforcement, just to shore up the defences or understanding. That is why I reached for the phone, because I cant just call and ask her, so sometimes mums know best.
I have spent quite sometime today researching stuff on cycle tours of SE Asia and Australia and it is amazing some of the stories that are out there to read of personal experiences. I cant wait to read the next installment of her blog just to get a flavour of her journey.
Teamwork and colloboration. It is a subject that spend a considerable amount of my professional life working on. They are different and you can most definitely have one without the other (there will be readers out there whom I am sure will contest such a statement but bear with me on this)
I know that the team we have become is very special to both of us, it is very different to how either of us have operated before. We operate together and seperately almost in tandem. We are both generous in our endeavours both with and for each other. We appreciate what each of us brings to the team that is us.
To collaborate requires an understanding of how each other operates normally independantly, it requires the understanding that there is a requirement to work with another on a joint goal, to cooperate. I sincerely hope that these next 3 days allow collaboration to happen.
I have spent the day in a frentic series of meetings and phone calls. Split 50:50 between work and preparing for an adventure. I am living in the present and “If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” Ghandi
Last night I needed a chat with someone who knows her better than anyone and plucked up the courage to use the open offer a call with her mum. Oh I hear you say, what did you go and do that for? Well I wanted to let her know that I was thinking of her daughter through a more personal style than a brief email or blog. I also want to let her know what I had 'told' Izzy I was preparing to do and why. I wanted to hear her talk of Izzy and what might be going, has been going and will go through her thoughts. I just need to hear the voice of someone else who knows what an awesome person she is. It was a great conversation and thank you Jasmine.
The challenge with Izzy is that what she hears, takes on board and then does are somewhat different, however she has an ability to listen, hear, remember and playback what I have said better than anyone I know. She will make an awesome performance coach.
Doubting thomas is a nasty man I have decided after much research and personal experience. One of the things that makes what we have unique in both our experiences is that we tell it how it is. We dont let Mr Thomas creep in and spread his virus of doubt, fear, worry and complexity. We might agree, not agree, like or not like what we hear but at least we have shared the thinking. It is a refreshing approach. However sometimes we need a little reinforcement, just to shore up the defences or understanding. That is why I reached for the phone, because I cant just call and ask her, so sometimes mums know best.
I have spent quite sometime today researching stuff on cycle tours of SE Asia and Australia and it is amazing some of the stories that are out there to read of personal experiences. I cant wait to read the next installment of her blog just to get a flavour of her journey.
Teamwork and colloboration. It is a subject that spend a considerable amount of my professional life working on. They are different and you can most definitely have one without the other (there will be readers out there whom I am sure will contest such a statement but bear with me on this)
I know that the team we have become is very special to both of us, it is very different to how either of us have operated before. We operate together and seperately almost in tandem. We are both generous in our endeavours both with and for each other. We appreciate what each of us brings to the team that is us.
To collaborate requires an understanding of how each other operates normally independantly, it requires the understanding that there is a requirement to work with another on a joint goal, to cooperate. I sincerely hope that these next 3 days allow collaboration to happen.
I have spent the day in a frentic series of meetings and phone calls. Split 50:50 between work and preparing for an adventure. I am living in the present and “If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” Ghandi
Monday, 13 September 2010
The Forbury Moment / Out of the mouth of babes / Appreciation
Monday, so here we are, how was yours? Mine was full of surprises. Today I worked in tandem with my dear friend Alison hunting for talent. Ummm now that can be read many ways but those of you who know what I do, you know that it does not involve binoculars or a raincoat. Just sitting with a few questions and hearing some fascinating facts on which to base future decisions. It was fun, we were in sync on the questions picking up where one left off as smoothly as the smoothest thing that won last years McSmooth competition...if there is such a thing.
As I am talking about being in sync, my breathing for the first time on my run tonight seemed to flow much better. This is the hardest bit for me as a rank amateur - trying to remember all of the things my personal coach/ fitness trainer and all round awesome person Izzy has taught me and continues to advise on from afar.
It was as I was running up hill from Shapwick to Catcott that I started to smile, one of those ones that it takes you a while to realise you are, but when you do you suddenly realise that you can clear a couple of seats on a bus or a train! I was thinking back to the Forbury moment as it shall be known between us. 25th August 2010, we had had a day of zooming round Reading and getting together s'tuff' - another injection, the bike shop - spokes and a shopping list of spares, the opticians for me, the Post Office, Homebase and Staples for tarpaulin, padlock, packaging materials and then the Sweatshop again for me and hence the running now.
The Forbury moment came about after a couple of revelations about electoral registers and permanent addresses needing to be the same or some institutions will not give you any plastic, even for emergencies. We walked up the hill towards the Forbury restaurant where we dined on her last night before her extended holiday. There is an island in the middle of the road on which stood Izzy, and out of her mouth came the 3 words that mean so much. You know what they are and they are pretty powerful. I looked at her for a long while as I digested what she had said. She just stood there looking at me. These are not words used lightly by her at all. Those of you that know her know that the second two words are often used as at the end of a call to a loved one but all 3 one after the other, delivered slowly and deliberately. Wow.
I have never seen shock hit someone as it did then. The next 30 minutes were like she was in suspended animation, chocolate was the absolute necessity of the minute and 2 bars later she sat calmly in Sweatshop helping me buy my first pair of running trainers. The Forbury moment will be a lasting memory for me. She told me it wasn't meant to come out, a bit like we were not supposed to happen after she had laid out her plans for the future and not with me. You cant plan, predict or hope for love, true love just comes like a bolt out of the blue and knocks you for 6 or 12 if you are really really lucky.
I am lucky, lucky to have met Izzy, and more than just lucky to have such awesome children as Em and Nath. I must thank my son Nathan for his straightforwardness of last Wednesday. I rang them on my circuitous route home from Heathrow via Oxford. His first words were ' so she has gone then?' well yep i said she has. 'So are you a bit sad then', yes mate I am. 'Dad, I have got a really big hug for you, but you will have to wait til I see you on Friday'. Thanks Nath I said. Sometimes a hug is all we need. Tonight another person needed more than a hug and a real cuddle so she text me to ask to give her a call.
We spent a while on the phone as she told me how she was feeling. She missed my appreciation of her, my love and my caring. We had been such a unit before last Wednesday and then it stopped. It hasnt as I have said in all my communciation with her, it is just different. I told her she is in my thoughts every second of every day and will be always. I know that she needed just to hear my voice and share her thoughts on the adventure which begins on 2 wheels and a trailer tomorrow. It has been tough getting back into the groove of a friendship after so long. They start tomorrow from the Embassy with their Cambodian visa's at 10.30am (04.30 our time) They will be learning not just how to ride in Vietnam but how they need to colloborate and become a team. It will be a couple of days at least before we get an update as they will be on the road east to their next destination Ha Long Bay on the Tonkin Gulf coast where they will explore the islands for a few days before heading south to Cambodia.
Izzy if you read this before you set out tomorrow morning, ride safe, smile knowing that a lot of people care for you deeply and know that I am thinking of you always. If others are reading this and have yet to donate then now is yet another chance. http://www.charitygiving.co.uk/georginaadey
As I am talking about being in sync, my breathing for the first time on my run tonight seemed to flow much better. This is the hardest bit for me as a rank amateur - trying to remember all of the things my personal coach/ fitness trainer and all round awesome person Izzy has taught me and continues to advise on from afar.
It was as I was running up hill from Shapwick to Catcott that I started to smile, one of those ones that it takes you a while to realise you are, but when you do you suddenly realise that you can clear a couple of seats on a bus or a train! I was thinking back to the Forbury moment as it shall be known between us. 25th August 2010, we had had a day of zooming round Reading and getting together s'tuff' - another injection, the bike shop - spokes and a shopping list of spares, the opticians for me, the Post Office, Homebase and Staples for tarpaulin, padlock, packaging materials and then the Sweatshop again for me and hence the running now.
The Forbury moment came about after a couple of revelations about electoral registers and permanent addresses needing to be the same or some institutions will not give you any plastic, even for emergencies. We walked up the hill towards the Forbury restaurant where we dined on her last night before her extended holiday. There is an island in the middle of the road on which stood Izzy, and out of her mouth came the 3 words that mean so much. You know what they are and they are pretty powerful. I looked at her for a long while as I digested what she had said. She just stood there looking at me. These are not words used lightly by her at all. Those of you that know her know that the second two words are often used as at the end of a call to a loved one but all 3 one after the other, delivered slowly and deliberately. Wow.
I have never seen shock hit someone as it did then. The next 30 minutes were like she was in suspended animation, chocolate was the absolute necessity of the minute and 2 bars later she sat calmly in Sweatshop helping me buy my first pair of running trainers. The Forbury moment will be a lasting memory for me. She told me it wasn't meant to come out, a bit like we were not supposed to happen after she had laid out her plans for the future and not with me. You cant plan, predict or hope for love, true love just comes like a bolt out of the blue and knocks you for 6 or 12 if you are really really lucky.
I am lucky, lucky to have met Izzy, and more than just lucky to have such awesome children as Em and Nath. I must thank my son Nathan for his straightforwardness of last Wednesday. I rang them on my circuitous route home from Heathrow via Oxford. His first words were ' so she has gone then?' well yep i said she has. 'So are you a bit sad then', yes mate I am. 'Dad, I have got a really big hug for you, but you will have to wait til I see you on Friday'. Thanks Nath I said. Sometimes a hug is all we need. Tonight another person needed more than a hug and a real cuddle so she text me to ask to give her a call.
We spent a while on the phone as she told me how she was feeling. She missed my appreciation of her, my love and my caring. We had been such a unit before last Wednesday and then it stopped. It hasnt as I have said in all my communciation with her, it is just different. I told her she is in my thoughts every second of every day and will be always. I know that she needed just to hear my voice and share her thoughts on the adventure which begins on 2 wheels and a trailer tomorrow. It has been tough getting back into the groove of a friendship after so long. They start tomorrow from the Embassy with their Cambodian visa's at 10.30am (04.30 our time) They will be learning not just how to ride in Vietnam but how they need to colloborate and become a team. It will be a couple of days at least before we get an update as they will be on the road east to their next destination Ha Long Bay on the Tonkin Gulf coast where they will explore the islands for a few days before heading south to Cambodia.
Izzy if you read this before you set out tomorrow morning, ride safe, smile knowing that a lot of people care for you deeply and know that I am thinking of you always. If others are reading this and have yet to donate then now is yet another chance. http://www.charitygiving.co.uk/georginaadey
Sunday, 12 September 2010
From a dear friend
To feel that you can control – in the sense of ensuring that everything works out exactly how you want it when you want it – is madness and a lot of wasted effort. I have seen for myself that life is just a dance – and the more you play and are open to the fact that everything is brought to you to teach you something or show you even more wonder, the more sparkly it becomes. Does it hurt sometimes – you bet! Does it get bumpy occasionally – yep! Does it lead you to places and people that if you’d really been in control you absolutely knew you wouldn’t have met, spoke to or even admired their notebooks? – you bet!
My dear friend sometimes just sometimes not getting what you want is the greatest stroke of luck (Dali Lama) – smile knowing you have experienced something unbelievably special, be warmed by the love you both feel for each other (that doesn’t just disappear because someone got into a tin box that quite staggeringly manages to glide through the sky...now that’s scary!) and be open to the possibility of seeing that right now the only thing you have to do is remember what an amazing person you already are (yes YOU!)– and that whatever happens next, will be the baby step to something even more unbelievably exciting.....if only you just stop long enough for it to catch up with you!
My dear friend sometimes just sometimes not getting what you want is the greatest stroke of luck (Dali Lama) – smile knowing you have experienced something unbelievably special, be warmed by the love you both feel for each other (that doesn’t just disappear because someone got into a tin box that quite staggeringly manages to glide through the sky...now that’s scary!) and be open to the possibility of seeing that right now the only thing you have to do is remember what an amazing person you already are (yes YOU!)– and that whatever happens next, will be the baby step to something even more unbelievably exciting.....if only you just stop long enough for it to catch up with you!
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