Gay Butterflies

I have pondered on this since a call this afternoon. I was in a meeting/conference call in sunny but chilly Scotland and my ear was burning. I don't know why but it was and I am a great believer in listening and responding to what your body tells you. The meeting finished and I picked up my phone. 2 text messages from Izzy. Call her pls, so I did.

She had just had a mocha, the best she had had in a while and was in a happy place. I think though more caffeine related than self. We spoke for a while and it was a challenging call. I got asked some random questions, very random but all with a purpose if only I could figure it out. Do I take only the bits of food out of a meal that I like, do I believe in gay couples having children, do I like tomato...I was at this point a little concerned, it is hot out there and hoped that this was not the onset of a meltdown. Nah, I know why, it was because she was checking that she really knew me. She knew the answers already. She made a whole body decision on the way into their current location, knew she was right as she listened to her body and when they reached the dead end, knew also that she still had the ability to trust her body. For Izzy that is major, for most of us mere mortals who have the luxury of carpet that is cleaned, beds that we know who has last slept in them, bathrooms that resemble bathrooms not locker rooms we forget some of the really important things in life, can you trust what your body tells you?

I know Izzy, pretty well, yes she still surprises me with her open and honest approach to life but it is immensely refreshing as those of us who have read her blog know. She knows also that she can tell me and discuss with me anything. I too can be me with her. She made a decision a couple of weeks ago that some of you know. Since then her head has decided that whatever her body tells her, don't trust it. It will get easier, better, funnier, more enjoyable. I know that tonight as I hope she sleeps soundly that our discussion around 'Up' wont become a reality. If you have not seen it, go rent it and watch it. I am referring to the first 17 minutes of silence. I remember taking the children to a Disney preview of it. I still shed a tear or twenty at the opening scenes.

I also know that by asking me questions she was herself checking reality. I knew from an email at 2.32am this morning that she was missing me. I also knew that I would be calling her today. I did not know that I was going to be asked if I had those gay butterflies. For those of you who are into all thing natural history this is bike related, sorry. However whilst she was talking to me she was holding a flower. A flower from a Jasmine tree. How fitting we both thought.

Tomorrow the one other person in her life who can help her when her head is mush will take a call. On the basis of that call, but actually on the basis of her decision 2 weeks ago, a number of things will happen. All of them have consequences but the biggest consequence will be that Izzy will be happy. That is all I have ever wanted for her, as I know many of you have who read this. It was a little spooky though as whilst I was speaking to Izzy, the above mentioned text me to say that 'U never no things could change'. Why is it that mums know everything about everything and can see everything that we cant???

I also spoke to a groggy but then happy girl today. She went under this morning and was home just after lunch. It was trigger finger and something congenital that must have skipped a generation or two. Her finger will never be straight but it will have less of a bend and when she holds an icecream, tea cup or wine glass she wont look the affected one with her pinky stuck out unless she chooses to. She will be in a little pain as the post op local wears off but hopefully will be back to school tomorrow. Nathan asked me questions about sleeping bags tonight, Cub camp on Exmoor, in a village hall, but his first nights away from dad or mum that is not family related. Umm I cant say I am not worried or thinking of him, I will, alot. It does mean that me and Em get a girl/lordy shopping weekend. Well that is my sell of it anyway and to see if she can use the tractor to do the lawn with one hand. I will move the washing line this time though as even with 2 hands she managed to drive into it, bend it to 90 degrees and forget to tell me when I came to use it. If I was an ant, I could have hung my clothes off it as there would have been at least 2mm between it and the ground, but I am not. Umm sleep time me thinks as tomorrow is a busy day...